How do you do public-speaking so effortlessly? This is a question that I often get. But it’s funny because I can tell you I was definitely not always like this. It was normal for me to have a dry mouth, shaking hands, and trembling knees when doing a simple presentation in front of my class. Even when I got my first job, I remember trying to avoid dealing with customers face-to-face. And when I did interact with them, they could barely hear my nervous murmurs. So while my public speaking and conversation skills may have improved, there are many things that I am still not as confident doing. It’s always a work-in-progress.
I am sharing some tips with you on how to build self-confidence. Swipe to read my tips! And feel free to save and share this post if you find it beneficial.
Do you find yourself feeling confident in most situations? Or do you mostly experience self-doubt?
What is self-confidence?
Self-Confidence is a feeling of self-assurance that you can rely on someone or something – some knowledge, a past experience, a person, or your own abilities. It’s a belief that you know what is needed in a given situation, even if you don’t.
Why do we need confidence?
Confidence is needed when there is a lack of clarity and overall perspective. If in a given scenario, you knew EXACTLY what was expected, how something should be done and why, then you wouldn’t feel nervous. You would simply say or do what was needed. Take the example of someone walking in daylight vs at night without any light. A person would walk effortlessly in clear daylight, but require some level of self-assurance to proceed on the same path in pitch dark – guessing where to step and where to go. So because we don’t know everything and can’t see things from a holistic perspective, we have to proceed with a certain level of trust. That is basically what we call confidence.
Whatever confidence I am able to have is a result of various experiences and privileges I have had. But if I had to give you my Top 3 tips on what you can do to actively feel more confident, they would be as follows:
- Remember that Competence builds Confidence. I have found this to be the easiest way to build confidence. Whether you’re giving a presentation, learning a new language, or learning to speak up for yourself, you build competence by working on it and putting in the hours to learn or practice it as much as possible. You don’t need perfection. You just need to do it enough times that you learn the craft well and it’s no longer scary. This will automatically help you feel more courageous.
- Focus on your strengths, no one knows it all! Recognize that NO ONE knows it all. Just like you feel conscious about some things, other do too. We all have fears and insecurities to some extent. So don’t engage in negative self-talk and put all your focus on everything you can’t do as well as others. Doing so will only make that sentiment get stronger and turn it into a limiting belief that holds you back. Know that you bring unique abilities to this world, and do everything keeping this in the forefront of your mind.
- Do not over-think and just do it! This is the hardest thing to do. One thing you learn in spirituality is that non-stop thinking is one of the biggest problems of the human mind. Without going into too much detail, I‘ll just share that the mind’s job is to protect you and help you survive. And in this effort it presents you with a myriad of scenarios, both past and future (especially negative ones) to make you consider and re-consider everything that could possibly go wrong for you. Good news – you don’t have to actually believe these thoughts. Over-activity of the mind takes away from the simplicity of the present moment and makes things hard for you. Meditation is one way to learn the art of ignoring constant thoughts.
- Bonus Tip for Parents 👨👩👧👦 If you are a parent, do everything you can to encourage your kids when they show kindness and empathy, or display their unique skills – whether its humour, fast learning, drawing, fast running, or singing. The best time to build confidence is at an early age. Tell your kids how unique and capable they are so this becomes a sub-conscious belief for them. If you put them down, it will become extremely difficult for them to be confident as adults.
There is so much more that can be said on this topic, but this is my attempt at summarizing what comes to my mind when I think about building self-confidence. Thank you for reading and feel free to share! ❤️